While Looking for 90210

I learned all about the birds and the bees, horny secretaries, and hair gel from channel 72. You kids have no idea how lucky you are to have your nookie online to teach you about amateurs and anal probes properly. Yes, M&D, I would totally wait for you to leave the house and try and watch scrambled porn. I remember at that time you were worried I'd see things like guys and girls kissing on TV like 90210, MTV, and The Young and the Restless. Really I was more interested in figuring out which wavy lines were boobs and which wavy lines were just wavy lines. All the while, sweating it out that I would be caught, so I would just sit right up next to the tv as if I was merely changing channels, and got lost somewhere up past the 30's my innocent face two inches away from the wiggly boobs and zig zag butts.

I was also faced with the paranoia-inducing dilemma of volume. Sound helps a lot when you are trying to decipher boobs from wavies from a flower pot. But with any hint of sound came the overwhelming static of a thousand seas, drowning out the sexy noises and driving me mad. Mad because it sounds horrible, and mad because it is blocking all the hot educational dialogue.

Just when I'd think I was following the bodies through the chaos, and Misty had accepted Arturo's offer to be his private's secretary, a storm of static would attack and suddenly the woman just started screaming. The man is kinda yelling, and grunting, and talking about her daddy?

The the whole situation was confusing at best.

That's why the moral of my story is that moms should let their kids watch 90210, and MTV, and all the regular porn they want.